Paper re write

Read a paper i worte. Read my teacher comments. Add detaild from my teachers comments to make my paper better, Here are teacher comments and the file will have the paper The potential here is enormous, but the paper doesn't live up to that potential. Throughout most of the essay, I found myself wondering where Robert was, how old he was, and even, what was happening. Some of this is because of less than effective sentence structures and word choices, but most of it is the result of far too little detail and description. I do understand from the paper that Robert lost his family when he was young, but I don't understand most of the circumstances, where he was, how his parents or sister died, or even how old he was when these things happened. His story seems tragic and dramatic, but the drama and tragedy are not presented effectively. The essay also lacks a thesis, but the main problem here is how much the reader doesn't learn in this paper, how much has been left out. Christina Cochran English 99 November 4, 2015 The Journey The name of the interviewee is Robert Thomson. He was born on 13 July 1945 in Los Angeles, Hollywood. Robert works at Boston University as a professor in linguistics and politics. He illustrates that his occupation motivation and passion is derived from the childhood circumstances he went through. Despite being a successful individual, he still remembers vividly of the horrifying things that occurred to him. Robert being an orphan had a tough childhood experience as he had to toil and moil to survive the harsh condition in his country. The fact that he was an intelligent student in school and participated in many co-curriculum activities facilitated gaining of scholarship in Harvard University where he studies degree in linguistics and politics. Currently, he has a loving family of a wife and two children in which he describes as his pillars of joy. The interviewee elaborates of his childhood events that are still deep rooted in his memories. He begins is narration by stating that he had parents and a sister who died at the time of World War II. By the advent of the Cold War aspects such as racial inequality, poverty, and discrimination were rampant and led to instances of brutality. He remembers how his parents worked in Hollywood as actors to make ends meet. At one certain point, he recalls that due to the political instability and fight against communism in America, movie stars were forced to alter the film scripts to pass a message that the citizens should be patriotic, which eventually raised suspicion of communist activity in America. Consequently, it led to a great deal of massacre of all the people involved in producing the film. He describes how the situation was horrifying and dreadful to the people. It was at this point that his parents died due to the tragic event which later left him and his little sister named Rose depressed and helpless. He continues to illustrate that as they grew up they were engaged in conducting hard work to sustain themselves. Many times he was faced with depression, feelings of loneliness and number of times wanted to commit suicide. The one major aspect that kept him alive and with hope of a better day was his little sister. He knew as a big brother he had a bigger responsibility of taking care of the sister and ensuring her safety as those were trying times. They grew together through surviving every day’s challenge until his sister decided to join the activist movement against racial discrimination. He sorrowfully recalls that his sister and other activists were shot dead by the American solders while conducting a protest. He received a call while at one of his voluntary works about his sister’s death which caught him with sensitive feelings of astonishment, anguish and in pain. He quotes “I was completely alone in a world full of chaos with no humanity”. He vividly describes of how he moaned her loss and was in a much greater pain than he felt after the loss of his parents. These events of hard labor and harsh life conditions led to giving up on himself, his career and his interests in life. Therefore, he engaged in drug abuse and joined a gang group that was involved in stealing soldiers’ equipment and other accessories. He sobs as he quotes of how the instances of the cold war robbed him of his family, his hope for a better future and now his sense of humanity. At that time, he engaged in fighting that nearly left him dead; he actually said that death was the solution that he hoped for but due to some reasons, despite the brutality he faced, he did not die. He thankfully said that God had a greater purpose for him than death. Nonetheless, his life turned around when he received a letter stating he had gotten scholarship at Harvard University due to his hard work and excellent grades in high school. This letter made him think about his life and what he wanted. He states that after the death of his parents he dedicated his life to caring and protecting his little sister. This was a rare opportunity for him to do something that he wanted, something that would have a significant impact to the next generation to come. Thus he chose to study degree in linguistics and politics so as to play a role in instilling the history of their country and impacts of the Cold War on citizens. According to the interview with Robert Thomson, it is clear that his childhood was filled with chaotic events that completely shattered his world. Losing all family members at a young age is tragic especially at the time of Cold War when the country is experiencing serious political concerns. He concluded the interview by stating, the most valuable lesson to be learnt is not to give up no matter how difficult or impossible a situation may seem. If it were not for his hard work and perseverance, he would not be having a loving family today. Having seen these past instances, they will forever remain in his memories even at aging age.