personal statement

What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field — such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities — and what you have gained from your involvement. Personal triumphs or challenges: Tell us about your achievements in light of the opportunities available to you. If you choose to write about challenges you’ve faced, how did you overcome or strive to overcome them? Leadership opportunities: Define your leadership role, your accomplishments, and what you learned from the experience. Remember, a leader can mean more than being elected to a position. Consider describing a time when you had to be a leader in your family or community. Experiences outside the classroom: Consider experiences that have made an impact on your life (e.g., your family, youth groups, work, church/temple, or travels). Culture: Describe the influence culture has had on you. Don’t define the culture. Instead explain what you have learned because of that culture. My major is business administration and also apply for communication for my second major. I have the draft:personal statement and personal statement2, also I attached the two sample essay for you. Please help me to make my personal statement look better that.